Mail My Heart
by brokenbride
Summary: Set right after Back In Black. Emma and Sean start writing letters to each other, telling each other how they feel.
1. Emma's Letter

Title: Mail My Heart

Summary: Emma writes Sean a letter, and he writes her back. This is set after Back In Black.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Degrassi. Well except for my love of the show.

Sean,

If I could put into words how I feel about you, I would. Yet, it seems to me that words can not describe how it is that I feel at this one moment in my life. This one moment when I feel all the regret and pain from years gone by. Why do I feel like this? Why am I being so selfish?

You left for a reason. To correct the various wrongs that you made in your past. To fix the mistakes that have been long waiting to be repaired. Yet I can't stop thinking about how you didn't fix me. You broke me and now I don't know if I can be fixed. I know that you don't need this. That's why I don't expect you to reply. It's just my letter to you to let you know.

I must let you know that I love you Sean Cameron. More than you will ever know. I don't know how you feel about this certain issue, but I just felt the need to fill you in. I don't even know the details of your life anymore. How are you and Ellie? Do you talk, or did you break up? I never talk to her, Jay, or any of the people that you started to hang out with after our breakup. I never really felt like bothering to get close to the people that I knew had some small part in driving you away from me.

Yes, I know I played a big part in that little scenario as well. I do know that I didn't play the entire part. I just wish that you could have given us a chance, instead of running off and becoming some kind of criminal. You just turned into this person that I didn't even know. I had too, you know. I had become some other person. It took all this to make me realize it.

Sean, I'm sorry for all the crap that I did to you after we broke up. You said you were sorry for what you did, but I never got around to asking forgiveness for what I did. For turning you into Mr. Radditch, or just trying to make your life hell. I guess I was just trying to make you feel how I was feeling. I really don't think that it worked too well.

I've been hearing things, from certain people, who hear them from other people, that you're doing fine. It's really great to hear that. You deserve to be doing fine. Please tell me that your parents are treating you well. Better than they did when you were growing up with them. Why am I telling you this? I don't expect a reply to this letter. As stupid as it is, I don't want to know what you think. I just need to get this off my chest.

I feel as though I should end this here. On whatever kind of note this would be. It seems as though, Sean, that you and I had a chance, and we both blew it. I think I'll get over this in time. As long as I have time. Which should be a while. You're doing good, and that's great. Well, I'll end it here.

With Love,

Emma


	2. Sean's Letter

And without further ado, here is Sean's response letter.

XXXXXXX

Emma,

I know that you told me not to reply, but I felt the need to clear some things up with you. You were a bit confusing in that letter so I'm going to take it all piece by piece.

Emma, I love you too. I'll always love you. It's just that I don't know what to do about it. You know me, it's always been like this. I've always been the kind of guy that makes everything worse. I always seem to make you cry, which I hate. I just can't take being that kind of guy to you. You deserve so much better.

Ellie and I broke up. We both felt that the separation was a little too much for both of us to handle. So we're just friends now. I don't know why but I feel that it's a good thing that you don't talk to Jay that much anymore. Please tell me if he gives you any trouble. I don't think that I'd like it if he was constantly nagging on you like he did before. I'll take care of it if he does.

Yes, we both played a big part in our breaking up. Me a little more than you. You were trying to help others, me, and the environment. I just couldn't really see it. If only I had before...you know.

Emma, when I get back to Degrassi, I want you to know that I will try my hardest to be a friend to you. Friends first, then maybe we'll see what happens next, okay? Good. Well, I feel as though I should end this here. Please don't reply to this letter. Really. It would be a little too difficult for me to make things right here, when I'm constantly wanting to make things right where you are.

In time,

Sean Cameron


	3. Emma's Reply

Okay, you talked me into writing more. I'll write a few more letters between them. Then of course, he'll come back. So here's Emma's letter.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Sean,

I just read your letter, and I know you told me to not write you back. But I was listening to our song, Just Jane, and I had to write you.

I wish that somehow we could just all write all our feelings down on paper, send them to each other, and then everything would be great. It doesn't really work that way though. I know that, and I hate it. I want it too so much. I want to tell you that everything will be okay with us, but I can't. It's not the same.

You and Ellie broke up? That's interesting. I can't help but say that I'm surprised. You two seemed to go so well together. Maybe you just weren't meant to be. I've seen her around school lately, and she seems to be doing fine. Her and Jay are getting close. Of course, him and Alex broke up.

We both played equal parts in the breakup. Like something in Science class, we were both just pushing each other away. We were bound to break.

I can't wait until you get back. I think that, yes, we should try and be friends first. We never really did that. I really look forward to it.

I know that you said not to reply, but there is no presure over here. Things can wait to be fixed. I'm just so proud that you're making things write over there.

Love,

Emma


	4. Sean's Reply

Em,

Wow, it's so weird calling you Em. All this time you've been mad at me, I always felt obligated to call you Emma. Like Em was just a little too personal, and you didn't want me to go there. Not that I would blame you for it.

Things here are going about as well as to be expected. My mom and dad are struggling to get over their alcoholism, and slowly I think they're beating it. I almost feel proud of them. Maybe if they had done it a little sooner, I would actually feel proud. I don't though. It took them too long. No more living in the past right?

So Ellie and Jay, huh? I guess I may have seen that coming a while ago. I feel so bad though, leaving her all alone. If you say she's doing good though, then I'll believe it. I wish you would tell me that you're doing good. Maybe then I could ease some of this worry I've been keeping inside of me.

It feels to me that I've said all this stuff, yet I look and there's hardly anything writen on this sheet of paper. I feel as though I'm giving you myself, and it looks like crap. Just tell me that you understand. That you accept what I have to say.

Well, I have to go for now. I'll write you back as soon as you write to me. I guess it's like we're pen pals now. As stupid as that sounds. Bye.

Love always,

Sean


	5. Another Letter From Emma

Sean,

I can't believe that you've been gone for more than a month now. We all miss you here a lot, so please come home soon. My gosh, I sound like a country song. I think that was supposed to be a joke. It's okay if you didn't get it, cause I don't think that I did either.

I'm sorry to hear about you and your parents. I wish that they could have gotten their act together sooner, rather than later. Just be happy that they're trying. And they're doing it for you. They love you, and it's got to be hard on them. So just try your hardest to let them know that you're there for them.

I talked to Ellie Monday at school. She was in the library when I was looking up information for a research paper. We talked for a while. It turns out that her and Jay are not going out. They're just helping each other out. We're supposed to hang out some more later on this week.

I do understand, Sean, and I do accept what you have to say. It means the world to me that you tell me all this. It's great to see your handwriting, to have a peice of you with me.

I have to go. I need to get to bed, after all I have school in the morning. I love you.

Love,

Em


	6. Another Letter From Sean

OMG! I am so sorry that I haven't updated in so long. It's been really long, and I swear, I'm going to try to finish this fic, and my other one, Reality. I promise you! Now, on with the long awaited update...

Emma,

Wow, I have been gone for a long time. I'm coming home soon, I'm sure that we'll have a lot to talk about. I know that I can't wait to actually see you again. To talk to you, and hear your voice. You have no idea how much I miss that.

Ellie and Jay, friends? I guess it was going to happen. She's needed a good friend. I'm glad that they're going to be able to be there for each other.

Em, I really do miss you. I'm just sitting here thinking about what happened with us. I want to promise you that I never will break your heart. At least I don't want to. I know that I never should have done what I did in the past. Yet, in a way it helped us to grow. To grow to this.

Just wait, Em, and I'll be back. We'll get to know each other again, like we did a long time ago.

I love you.

Sean.


	7. Emma's POV

_From now on, the story will be writen in POV. There are only a few more chapters left, and I'm sorry, but they wont be very long. I hope you like this, cause I'm a little rusty. So, please, read and review._

**Emma's POV**

I walked slowly over to the mailbox. It had been three weeks since my last letter from Sean, and I was starting to wonder when he was going to write me back. I had sent him my letter two weeks ago, and now I figured I would be getting a letter from him.

As I opened the lid to the mailbox, I sighed and shut it again. Nothing. Same as yesterday, and the day before. Sighing softly to myself, I turned around and walked back to the house.

"Emma! Phone!" I heard my mother yelling as I opened the front door. I reached over and picked up the phone by the door.

"Hello?" I said casually into the phone. I figured that it was Manny or Paige wanting to go and do some shopping before Monday came around. They could never go very long without a new outfit.

"Emma? Hey...Umm...it's Sean." The voice was a little nervous, but there was no mistaking it for the guy who had once again stolen my heart. Sean Cameron.

"Wow...Sean. Ummm..." I wasn't at all sure what to say to him. We hadn't really talked in person since that day on the beach when he decided to stay in Wasega Beach. What could I possibly say to him that he wouldn't already know?

"Yeah, I know, this is a little...strange I guess. I just wanted to tell you something." Sean sounded a little more sure of himself, and more like the old Sean that I used to love. The Sean that I still loved.

"Yeah, what was that?" I asked, because I honestly had no idea what to expect. What could he possibly have to tell me that he had to call me to say?

"I'm back." Sean said clearly, and I dropped the phone.


	8. Sean's POV

_I am sooo sorry for the delay. My computer home crashed, and we just now got a new one. There's only one more chapter after this one, so read away!_

**Sean's POV**

I heard the phone drop, but I really didn't know what to do. So I just waited until I heard the soft sounds of Emma breathing before I continued on.

"Ummm...yeah. I'm going to go. I'll see you around." Then I hung up the phone. I don't know why I did. I told myself that when I called Emma that I wasn't going to chicken out and hang up the dang phone. But, yet, here I was, and the phone was on the hook.

I sighed and moved away from the phone, because I knew that if I didn't I would just end up picking up the phone and calling her back. Then we'd start the whole thing all over again, and that kind of thing was never good. It was just something I did when I was nervous. And, yeah, I was dying from the nerves.

I had to get out of here, I had to clear my head or something. So I walked to the front of my old appartment, which was empty, but with the money my parents had given me, I had managed to get it back. I even had the phone hooked back up. But it was just killing me to be in here.

I quickly shuffled out the door, and locked it behind me. There wasn't anything in the appartment worth stealing, but I didn't want to just leave it unlocked. Plus, it gave me an almost false sense of security, and that was a good thing to have in life.

I walked for a while with my head down, not really looking where I was going. I didn't really care, I could walk this entire town with my eyes closed. But when I looked up for the first time I saw that I was a few houses away from Emma's.

Now was my chance. I was horrible at talking on the phone, but I was even worse at talking in person. I knew I had to talk to Emma though, I couldn't just not do it. So, gathering up courage I didn't know I had been saving, I walked the ten yards to Emma's front porch, and rang the bell.


	9. The Last Chapter

Emma sighed and went to answer the door. She was still a little shaken up from the recent phone call from Sean, so she took her time to get to the door. She was home alone, since Spike had just left with Jack, and Snake was still at school.

She swung open the door and nearly died when she saw who it was.

"Sean. Oh my God!" She screamed and went to hug him. It was something she needed to do, and it just felt like it was the right thing to do. Especially after the past two months.

"Hey, Emma. I just wanted to come over and see ya. The phone thing was kinda dumb." Sean let out a laugh, but inside he was so happy that not even a laugh could show how he felt. It had been so long since he'd seen Emma, he was amazed at how beautiful she had become. It was like she had found an inner strength and let it make her shine.

"Not really. It's great that you're back. I mean, yeah, we wrote all those letters but it just wasn't the same. I mean, it's really nice to get to hear your voice and see your face. I missed you." Emma said, meaning every single word that came out of her mouth. She had really missed Sean. He was like a part of her, and it was what had compelled her to write her first letter. And it's what kept her writing.

"I missed you too." Sean simply said. He wasn't sure if he would be able to get all of what he was feeling into words. So it was better, he thought, that he didn't try. Emma would know. She always knew.

"So, do you want to come in?" Emma asked, realizing that they were standing in the doorway.

"Not really. I just wanted to see if you wanted to go somewhere with me. Just for about thirty minutes or something." Sean said, taking a step back.

"Uh, yeah, sure. Just let me leave my parents a note so that they know where I am. You know how they get sometimes." Emma said and rushed into the house. She quickly found a piece of paper and scrawled a quick note on it. Then she walked out the door, locking it behind her.

"Well, let's go." She said. She couldn't help but wonder what Sean was planning for them.

"Okay." Was all Sean said. It was all he said the whole way there. But Emma was happy with the silence. She just wanted to revel in the happiness of just being in his company again. Even if sometimes it wasn't such a good thing. But today it was. Today they were together.

"We're here." Sean said and Emma finally looked around them. They were at the tree where they had shared their first kiss. Where they had danced the day of her mother's wedding.

"Sean...it's perfect. It's still the same." Emma said. For once she was at a loss for words. It was the most perfect thing that Sean could have done, and she knew that he knew that was how she felt.

"I just wanted us to be somewhere familiar. Somewhere that was special...to both of us." Sean said and reached out to take her hand. Emma let him take it and pull her closer.

Sean smiled and looked right into Emma's eyes. He wanted to say something, but nothing was coming to mind. The only thing he knew right then was Emma.

"So, why aren't you dancing?" Sean said, remembering those words from years gone by.

"No one caught my eye." Emma said, remembering as well.

"How 'bout now?" Sean said and began to dance with her.

Emma smiled as she remembered how this had been the beginning of their first love.

Now they both knew, it was going to be the begining of their forever love.


End file.
